I went to work early this morning so I could play video games without waking up my girlfriend, and I spent the whole time fighting my computer to download anything on steam, and now that everything is working and the games are almost done downloading, I need to actually start working. Life is cruel sometimes.
Just one of my bad days
2013 was not an especially great year for me. I started into depression early-February, which was then compounded with a less than stellar break-up between myself and my girlfriend at the time. I went from talking to the same person every day to not at all very quickly. It was about this time that I grew a great displeasure in almost everything I was doing at the time. My work suffered, I was bitter, dismissive, and overall just terrible to the people I had known as my friends. By April, I became so frustrated and angry with everything, a maybe a little paranoid, I cut everyone out of my life with no filter. The people I cared about were now on the other side of the wall, and I had no interest in peaking over.
Now that’s obviously not the end of the story, as I’m back on Tumblr posting ~FEELINGS~ online. Well a couple months later I eventually I got a bit less crazy, and started testing adding people back into my life. I started slowly, adding people who I did not talk to very often, ensuring that they wouldn’t spring on me and make me fall back down the hole. Sure enough, nobody did, but my guard was kept up. I avoided everyone who knew me from the people I knew before for a very long time, and it wasn’t until very recently that even the thought of the people who were so good to me, didn’t cause me mental anguish. In retrospect, it’s incredibly silly and stupid, but that’s how it went.
A couple months ago this changed when Twitter decided to torment me by suggesting I follow my ex girlfriend (that’s a creepy sentence). I decided to take the plunge and read some tweets, and I came to the conclusion that what had happened was for the best. While appearances are not always what they seem, it felt obvious to me that she is so much happier where she is today than the last time I can remember. I now have the closure I, for my own insane reasons, never had. Had our this not happened at such a terrible moment, I probably would still be able to talk with my old friends today, but you sometimes have to live with your crazy past.
I moved on long ago, yet there was still a bit of crazy left in my head. With this revelation, however, I have put to rest the final bit of torment in my mind. I am living happily, and I look forward to the future. The people in my life right now are great to me, I do my best to be great to them.
I accept everything bad that happened to me is my own fault. I don’t know if anyone will ever read this and know what I’m talking about, but I think most people can relate with “being crazy fucking sucks”. Hope you never have to feel the things I have. Best wishes.
Let’s pretend we don’t exist.
I am cat Jesus.
I’m having a wicked awesome run in The Binding of Isaac, and I’ve only reached the
third fourth floor. I’ve managed to get Polyphemus, become guppy, take in several other great damage + speed ups (include Speed Ball), and I’m just flying around killing everything. Cat Jesus pounces and kills. Every. Time.
These were my stats/visible items by the end. It goes without saying that it was almost impossible for me to lose.
I have been away; hidden from view, and yet I haven’t really gone anywhere. The eye may only see what it wants to see, but that does not stop reality from continuing its scheduled program. I have found that hermitting brings no more happiness than possible otherwise. So I speak before you here, in a place once fond in my mind, and yet here lies some dread, some past longing never to be. As time soars on, the things that are to be continue, and things not will change. There is only so much any one can do and the infinite burden of perfection unachievable should be cast away as only limiting the possible. While choices may have been made, harsh and arbitrarily binding, I should not let the past define my future. There is great humanity in the happiness of others, I should be careful not to shield my eyes from it, or I will lack just that.